What woud Greater looklike to me?

I  don't want to look back with regret.  The moments I have taken the words I have heard either from another person or ringing in my ears and jumped forward.  I don't regret.  Feeling like a fool or receiving an up and down from those prisoner to society is not my motivation.  I "know" they don't matter...but somehow I still hold on to a resentment. For their judgement for their coldness - it seems to bring up feelings of anger.  "how can THEY be like that?"  Maybe I am angry for what I am not being ?  Maybe what I judge in them is really something that seems obvious to me and they really don't get?  Maybe , just maybe noticing their faltering keeps me from moving forward to my purpose.  I mean after all , "I KNOW " I shouldn't care about what others say and do so why even give it a second thought??

Greater to me will look like ... or more aptly FEELl like butterflies in my chest...anticipation and excitement.  I see all around me Jaded hearts.  I am far from perfect but I know that is not me...and yet in moments that I feel that anger toward someone else ( not caring about someone else, being selfish, creating a negative impression of someone else, not noticing the person next to them, not saying hello to someone they must recognize) where is MY  GOOD HEART?  If I "get it so much"  why am I not praying for them?

God help me be a person who does a greater job of turning to you with my fears, my dreams, my desires, my pains.  Show me what I am to do and show me clearly when I am focusing on others when I should be focusing on me, not in a selfish way but in a way that promotes caring and giving.

I am impatient, for others to "get it", to be ready, to comply, for God to "give me" my desires.  God let me have more patience.  Open my eyes to the lesson you are sending my way instead of my focusing on my inconvience that of course will slow me down (and I have no patience- hmmmm, maybe I'm getting something here??)

God please help me be less direct and more graceful in dealing with situations that break my stride.  Bless me with peace in waiting for the next moment to unfold.  I give you control and trust everything will be Greater, for it!

Make my life GREATER!

Well started another online bible study "Greater"by Steven Furtick.  It's  a very simple book, that motivates my faith to do more, be more, feel more...I look around every day adn don't get the lack of caring.  Lack of caring about being kidn and good to other people.  The lack of feeling out lives our worth something,  Worth a cause to celebrate , which comes though in the joy we share with the world.

We are to be the light of the world...the salt of the Earth...We must feel that sense of expectancy to share exhuberance.  There are days we all are not "there" but when there are more days with out Joy than with...are we praying to God for something GREATER?  Do we really believe it is possible.

I pray for  clarity in the decisions I am making and that God leads me to a place that I feel my soul soar every day.  I trust and feel strong sense that I need to make changes and step in to the unknown. I pray for strenght to deal with any potential obstacles and the grace I so often lack in dealing iwth them. I pray to spend as much time thinking about the many people who are doing the study and the whys as my own.

I stole a song of another lady's blog.  It's always been a favorite and it so perfectly fits with this  study...I just don't want to be going through the motions...I long for something much Greater.  God please lead me!!

The Motions – by Matthew West – lyrics
I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

No regrets, not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

Busyness Steals the Will of God for our lives

I haven't had a relaxing day for a long time.  My only obligation was soccer at 1130.  It was warm but the clouds came out just as the game started!

We also took Eevee to the dog park in Sandoval, which we might do again tonight.  I have been thinking all week (as I run around with a chicken with my head cut off) that God keeps pointing out busyness is the robber of life.  It steals our time.  How many people (or friends) never "have time to go to church", read the bible, join a bible study to learn God, take their children to the park (or their dog to the dog park)...this is life.  Not shopping, cleaning(yeah- I'm off the hook), obsessing about our looks, paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning out emails, ...

2 Corinthians 10:5NIV--"we demolish arguments and every pretention that sets it self up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to God"

Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world;but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind,that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect will of God

Business robs of our time to be with those that matter, to be present when we are, to have patience for what we should have patience for...we are fooled into thinking so many things are so much more important than they are...When do we FEEL love? in our moments of peace.  If we never have them, we will never experience love.

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.1 Corinthians  13:3

I want my life to be mine to be moments of having peace throwing a stick at the dog park, off we gow...

God needs nothing from me!

I enjoy somehting that requires me to daily engage.  Not that I don't want to but there are so many want to and have tos that it focuses my efforts.  I look forward to seeing the changes God brings to my life and patience over the next 6 weeks.

I am very aware of the fact that my business keeps me from feeling and hearing God a lot.  I'm so caught up in my'HAVE TOS'   that I unfortuantely never make it to what I REALLY have to daily.  and that is to prioritize my time to studying God before any other thing that SEEMS to take precidence.

Melissa Taylor's unglue bible study is fun.  Chapter two talks about perspective-- I feel like as I am typing (isn't funny how when you realize somehting you feel sort of silly for it seeming ly like a revelation in the first place??  I mean you already know it but  it just hasn't landed) I feel like I am being made to realize  my perspective on my daily time with God needs to change-  God does not need me to spend time learning and knowing HIM.  I can't prove anything!!!  I need to have the perspective taht I NEED IT, not him.  I DO NOT need to make HIM and item on a list.  I need to allow him to direct my list!!!!

Daily God make me realize you don't need me for anything.  You don't need me to do anything.  You want for me out of your love for me. period.

Unglued-finding another way

boy there are days when it is hard!   Inf act there really seem to be few days that are easy.  I started (no too well a blodg afew months ago but life gets so busy.  I wrote an entry saying i'd try related to the is study...poof...no where eto be found.

But I am determined to not let LIFE rule mine...  I love knowing I'm not the only one who loves going to church bible study learning about God , encouraging others to allow for a relationship with God but in the midst of a chaotic, discombobulated , running late morning , or a mid day call from the school to come and assist with my  (suprise) poorly controled child- that (i say bad words.very bad)....and then feel like poop afterewards.  

At my best (worst) moments I liken myself to Chevey Chase in Christmas Vacation....where' the Tylenol??!

I love the idea that this part of me can be changed!!  I am ready God!!!

It's so good to realize my Jekel and Hyde personality is not alone and a pray my and the others working towards this,perservere through all the business and chaos of life.

Doiing the blog for me is a way to be outwardly accountable to try to prioritize ans stick to this study (as I sit in my pajamas, when someone will be arriving to my house with in 15 minutes (and my child is still in bed))  BUT THIS HAS TO BE A PRIORITY not an after thought.  

Well I will try again-  I decided it would coincide with doing the"unglued' online bible study and what a perfect chance to practice, drawing my line in the sand a little further ( or redrawing after June)...  Coming unglued... I wonder if the book that I just started  is going to more specifically guide on what to write/blog.  My goal in doing this is (going to be embarrasing!) to be transparent and to confess...  I do confess to the girls I work with but definitely mornings do not always bring out the most Jesus-like behavior and very sadly my son has heard way too many "fbombs" (hiding in all lower case) in my tirade.

But I AM GOING TO BE BETTER.  I want to not hypocritically tell my child to have self control and make good choices when I clearly am not doing so myslef!  God please help me to have more self control and patience....

Tonight i was racing trying to get to my study , haven't had a seconde sunday monday and now... I demand from my self to give this the committment it deserves.  Not to put pressure bu too realize  everything is better/clearere when spending time studying God's words and way

Help me stay focused God...I loved doing 40 days in the word and barely missed a day.

I'M ADDICTED to Photoshop Elements!!

Well,  I guess it's been awhile...so much to learn...so many life responsibilities to interfere with my desire to play!!  I took a free course from Jessica Sprague, it was a birthday special.  It is sooooo cool.  I taught myself over the last month with the help of Ali Edwards tutorials, but I enjoy a bit of structure.  Did I mention I love it???  So one of my projects was making a "blog header'  hence my return since the week I signed up.