I don't want to look back with regret. The moments I have taken the words I have heard either from another person or ringing in my ears and jumped forward. I don't regret. Feeling like a fool or receiving an up and down from those prisoner to society is not my motivation. I "know" they don't matter...but somehow I still hold on to a resentment. For their judgement for their coldness - it seems to bring up feelings of anger. "how can THEY be like that?" Maybe I am angry for what I am not being ? Maybe what I judge in them is really something that seems obvious to me and they really don't get? Maybe , just maybe noticing their faltering keeps me from moving forward to my purpose. I mean after all , "I KNOW " I shouldn't care about what others say and do so why even give it a second thought??
Greater to me will look like ... or more aptly FEELl like butterflies in my chest...anticipation and excitement. I see all around me Jaded hearts. I am far from perfect but I know that is not me...and yet in moments that I feel that anger toward someone else ( not caring about someone else, being selfish, creating a negative impression of someone else, not noticing the person next to them, not saying hello to someone they must recognize) where is MY GOOD HEART? If I "get it so much" why am I not praying for them?
God help me be a person who does a greater job of turning to you with my fears, my dreams, my desires, my pains. Show me what I am to do and show me clearly when I am focusing on others when I should be focusing on me, not in a selfish way but in a way that promotes caring and giving.
I am impatient, for others to "get it", to be ready, to comply, for God to "give me" my desires. God let me have more patience. Open my eyes to the lesson you are sending my way instead of my focusing on my inconvience that of course will slow me down (and I have no patience- hmmmm, maybe I'm getting something here??)
God please help me be less direct and more graceful in dealing with situations that break my stride. Bless me with peace in waiting for the next moment to unfold. I give you control and trust everything will be Greater, for it!