Does anyone else feel like Job?? I need that bible study. In one way I'm a total brat to make a comparrison as i haven't los tmy house or family...well wait a minute..my husband did leave which did cause me to lose my family and house, maybe I'm not so far off- but I feel like I could have so much worse. i know it . I know it. But I so long for more. To be with people who are happy, hardworking, enjoy giving and caring.
I so tire of trying to shed some positive light on the constant complaints and critisism of others view of the world. I'm not talking about a problem. I complain about problems and then work toward a solution. How can I impact it ? I pray about change coming to it. I am talking about a complaint that no suggestion can be tried, no alternative vantage point can be entertained ... all while feeling miserable about the way it is...
I am always willing to change anything to improve what doesn't work. I have made lots of bad choice and time and time again it's settling. It's deciding that this is good enough. It's greedy to expect more. it's uncaring to not accept big red flags in another person when developing relationships. I am frustrated because I am the builder up of others and often in futility. And I have no one who does that for me.
I hate the holidays. I used to love them. I loved decorating I loved baking I loved parties. I have no enjoyment of them anymore. I grew tired of planning everything and being told I am a control freak. So I stopped and no they are unorganiized, cold food, no plans for meals, people always sleeping never doing anything "too much work" or a plan is made and one person decides I guess i don't feel liek it and then the whole thing changes " oh lets just stay and watch a movie".
There is no joy and I can't try anymore. I don't even have any joy to give.
I feel so sad today. I feel like everything I do just ends in two choices: existing with people who wallow in self defeat or being alone.
Nothing feels greater today.