Thursday, December 6, 2012

I did it AT ONCE

It is such a challenge always feeling tested.  I KNOW I lack patience and it seems to be the lesson I am not getting.  I'm feeling defeated today.  Last week everything felt like it was moving forward and meant to be for me to get a job and move.  The interview went well, they said they were doing a couplemore interviews but would I fly out for another interview at their expense and then...nothing. I know it's only been a week but for me a long week.  I know it's my lack of patience but it's hard to repeatedly muster up hope only to feel it was for nothing again.  To make it worse at my current job, it was suggested that I apply for a supervisor role due to personel shifts but ...I don't feel it's right.  I feel to go in that direction is to settle but to let it at least a resume builder. heart isn't in it and I would want to go as soon as an opportunity to go to Colorado presented itself (I am in Flordia).  I feel like my ability to believe greater is possible is being tested...will I settle?  and then there is a joke about a woman on a roof during the flooding in New Orleans who is waiting for the Lord to save her.  She passes up a boat , a helicopter and (somehting else) and then she finally drowns.  In heaven she asks..Lord Lor why didn't you save me?? and he says i sent you a boat , a helicopter and"X"...

And this is where I am...  I just feel to stay here is depressing and all mediocrity..Please God lead me and show me greater.  (this was written on Wed dec. 4th)


I pray I am hearing God's voice in all of this ...I have had some very thought inspired comments and have had the priviledge of reading soem others situations and insight.  I was so moody and disturbed Saturday and Tuesday ...yesterday I went to work and was overwhelmed with the knowledge that this was not the place for me.

I didn't plan it but I gave my notice.  I don't have a job.  I interviewed but am still in limbo.  It's scary and I'm sure many (who haven't been informed) will think I have lost it (hopefully not!).

I couldn't get out of my head (paraphrasing) that there is a cost to JUST GOing but there is a bigger one to staying.

I realized I hated dreading my morning, my day.  I realized my frustration was making me act like a person I did not want to be,  To my parents, my son.  Gaining weight  (though not much different.  I always notice this in times of great stress) seemingly overnight (well worse).  And I realized the only thing keeping me here was fear.

My bosess boss and her boss told her to find out what money would make me stay.  THAT is scarey too.  Not just to pass up money but to realize that I am that valued there ... what if I'm not seen as an asset in a new enviornment, or it takes years, or...never mind that  I JUST NEED THE JOB...  I still said there wasn't ...that I really felt in my heart that I had to do what I feel would improve my son's and my life.

My one friend told me, "you know no money is gonna change how you feel.  You won't be happy". 

So I just went.

I am definitely a combination of excited and scared.

God please lead me in the right decisions. I've burned my plow.


the above link is from my church it's a great sermon on how our biggest barrier in life is our PRIDE.  We can handle it. We don't let God take it.


  1. Wow Anne! Praying for the Lord to lead you and guide you through all of this. Thank you for sharing! -Sue (OBS Leader)

  2. well...of course all my friends at work are like "what?" Why would you do it with out a job? There are many people including family who haven't been enlightened to the events of the week...

    I don't have a job YET but I did get called by a second hospital today and have a phone interview set up for next Thursday. It's part time (30 hours). I appled for that over a month ago and heard nothing. REALLY if I could just work 30 hours instead of 40 (financially) I'd be so happy. I pray God make the right situation clear to me.

  3. Wow Anne. You know when God is in it you'll get the job you love and need. Every job I ever had was prayed about and I always prayed it not happen if it was not meant to be and when it didn't happen I accepted it. Hang in there. Will be praying for you since that plow is burned. God will lead you as you stay faithful. Debbie Williams (OBS Leader)

  4. Triple Wow, Annee :) I was actually looking for your post early this morning when I read your note on Melissa's blog~~so glad I have found your post before I head to bed! Your heart is certainly in burning your plow and following God's plan for your life. I also did a quite unconventional job change this year! It has been a daily recommitment to faith, trust and praying continually. I called it obedience this year and as 2013 nears, I have molded it into relentless TRUST. I am praying for you with our OBS sisters. We are headed for >greater...God knows exactly how that journey will be for you. Thank you for sharing and blessing us. :)

  5. Thank you...I'm so confused since I son't see things i wrote ...I don't know where I wrote them??

    A little while after I quit I had this giddy "butterfly in the chest" feeeling and it made me "verclempt" when i realized THAT was how I had described- what GREATER WOULD LOOK like to me (in an earlier post) I pray I'm on the right track...

    Yesterday before I got a new call for an interview...I sensed God saying "This is killing you isn'tit? just killing you! The world may let you down. I never will! Trust I will deliver MY WILL and it will be GREATER"

    It was hard yesterday watching people get a promotion that I could have followed. i wasn't jealous that they got it. I was just like "please let this be you and not me and I passed on something"

    Keep praying it is so helpful as most people reintroduce every possible bad outcome and negative possibility in this.

    "how can you do this? What if you don't get a job? did you think of your son? It's not just you you know? Did you think this threw? you are crazy. It's hard getting a job today and on ..and i haven't even told my most immediate coworkers and immediate family. My boss is liek when can I announc eit ? I have to. She respected my wish that it wait till next week (I A, want to wait till after my dad's birthday and b. don't want anymore negaive comments. I know them . I have carried them for a month since I felt this was what I was to do.

    Thanks thanks!

  6. Praying for you during these times of turbulence!

  7. Wow! That takes some real courage! Praying that you will get exactly what you are looking for! Blessings :)

  8. Anne, I love that you stepped out in courage to be ready to accept the Greater things God has planned for you! I understand the feeling ~ like you've been asked by Him to step off the edge of a cliff in faith that His hand will be there to catch you! Scary exciting wonderful!! Just wait til you see what He has in store for you!! Praying for you. There will always be naysayers, but you know you're accepting God's invitation!
    Blessings! Karen, OBS Group Leader