It is such a challenge always feeling tested. I KNOW I lack patience and it seems to be the lesson I am not getting. I'm feeling defeated today. Last week everything felt like it was moving forward and meant to be for me to get a job and move. The interview went well, they said they were doing a couplemore interviews but would I fly out for another interview at their expense and then...nothing. I know it's only been a week but for me a long week. I know it's my lack of patience but it's hard to repeatedly muster up hope only to feel it was for nothing again. To make it worse at my current job, it was suggested that I apply for a supervisor role due to personel shifts but ...I don't feel it's right. I feel to go in that direction is to settle but to let it go...is at least a resume builder. But...my heart isn't in it and I would want to go as soon as an opportunity to go to Colorado presented itself (I am in Flordia). I feel like my ability to believe greater is possible is being tested...will I settle? and then there is a joke about a woman on a roof during the flooding in New Orleans who is waiting for the Lord to save her. She passes up a boat , a helicopter and (somehting else) and then she finally drowns. In heaven she asks..Lord Lor why didn't you save me?? and he says i sent you a boat , a helicopter and"X"...
I pray I am hearing God's voice in all of this ...I have had some very thought inspired comments and have had the priviledge of reading soem others situations and insight. I was so moody and disturbed Saturday and Tuesday ...yesterday I went to work and was overwhelmed with the knowledge that this was not the place for me.
I didn't plan it but I gave my notice. I don't have a job. I interviewed but am still in limbo. It's scary and I'm sure many (who haven't been informed) will think I have lost it (hopefully not!).
I couldn't get out of my head (paraphrasing) that there is a cost to JUST GOing but there is a bigger one to staying.
I realized I hated dreading my morning, my day. I realized my frustration was making me act like a person I did not want to be, To my parents, my son. Gaining weight (though not much different. I always notice this in times of great stress) seemingly overnight (well worse). And I realized the only thing keeping me here was fear.
My bosess boss and her boss told her to find out what money would make me stay. THAT is scarey too. Not just to pass up money but to realize that I am that valued there ... what if I'm not seen as an asset in a new enviornment, or it takes years, or...never mind that I JUST NEED THE JOB... I still said there wasn't ...that I really felt in my heart that I had to do what I feel would improve my son's and my life.
My one friend told me, "you know no money is gonna change how you feel. You won't be happy".
So I just went.
I am definitely a combination of excited and scared.
God please lead me in the right decisions. I've burned my plow.
the above link is from my church it's a great sermon on how our biggest barrier in life is our PRIDE. We can handle it. We don't let God take it.